Wednesday, Jan. 04, 2006
hallmark cards...
hallmark cards...
So I continue to get upset over these people. They think they have to do coke to have a good time, if its not coke its speed, if its not speed its weed, its always something. I can see that they would drink beer, cause hey I would do the same thing. And I am not even going to say that I don't do coke recreationally at times. But these people think you have to do it every damn night. Its gad damn ridiculous. When the guy im emotionally fucked asked me why I care so much I told him...
"I just want people to care for themselves as much as I care for them."
Yeah let's put that down on a fucking hallmark card y0.
emotional roller coaster.....
I just need to cry. I need someone to want to hear me cry. Someont to console me and listen to me, someone to be with me. I need a good crying session. And I just don't have time. I don't have time to cry. And it is going to catch up with me. I am already pulling on my hair and wanting to pull it out, I'm already hitting the walls and wanting to put wholes in them. It is making me crazy. He is making me crazy.
I just need to hear him say "it is never going to happen. We are never going to happen. You are not physically my type." it is implied daily but never straight out said. And I think all I need is to hear him say it. To say what I need to hear to let it go.
Until then... I'm pretty much emotionally fucked. On an emotional rollercoaster and it is going nowhere fast.
kiss...? hell no
So we kissed and made up. Well without the kissing part anyway. Now we are in talks about going to visit this guy in New York for 2 weeks at the end of May. He did break up with his girlfriend, I just wished now he would realize that here I am waiting for him to see how great I am. But it might neve rhappen. And if it does that will be great. But until then I will just sit and wait, and wait, and wait until nothing happens, which it probably won't. UGH.
big fat monkey balls...
So I am sure everyone is tired of hearing my whine about this one guy, right? All two of you I am sure, right? Well now he has the audacity to get mad at me because his girlfriend called ME looking for HIM. yeah that's right. HIS GIRLFRIEND CALLED ME LOOKING FOR HIM! The funny part? As if that is not enough? Was that she looked for him in my room, on my bed, however she was not going to get mad if she found out he was with me, no. She got mad because she thought he was sleeping with my brother's fiance. She somehow does not find me as any kind of threat whatsoever. She distincly said "I wouldn't have been mad if he was with you, but since he isn't with you I am pissed." What the fuck does that mean? Am I just an ugly ass troll who stands no chance with him whatsoever?!?! I mean why wouldn't I be a threat? I mean my intelligence far supercedes hers. She's ignorant. Yeah I weigh like 200 pounds more than her, but I would like to think that people could not be as shallow to think thats that is all that matters. But, unfortunately for me, that's all that matters to him. And that sucks bug fat monkey balls.
That's right, BIG FAT MONKEY BALLS.