Sunday, Jan. 01, 2006

2006

2006

Well, its 2006 guys. Happy damn New Years to my two readers. I luv ya'll. Where was I when the New year struck you ask? On the damn freeway in my car. Yeah, it will be a great year I can see.

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a year in review...

Well, I am going to pull a corny little stunt this year. Since I have had this diary for THREE years (and I fully believe that is probably the amount of readers I have also) I guess I can pull a little corny stunt.

FYI - I fully believe my diary would be more interesting if I had a LIFE to write about.

1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before

I graduated college.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Well I am thinking that all my resolutions had something to do with my weight, and since I am still fat I am thinking.. it didn't work out as planned.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Nope.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Lucky for me nope.

5. What countries did you visit?Never left the state this year.

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?

Someone to be with. To be able to have companionship.

7. What dates from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Bush's inaugural speech, Katrina, and etc.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Graduating college, starting a new career, and starting grad school the following year.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Getting myself fired from the job before myh career.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

No I don't get sick often.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

An mp3 player, I know sounds sad. I kinda got a new car and a new cell phone, those are pretty tight.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

all the katrina survivors and the people who helped them survive

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

The Bush administration

14. Where did most of your money go?

Probably to bills and all my cool things I got this year.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Graduating college. Finishing it first, then graduating got me real excited.

16. What song will always remind you of 2005?

that one by Faith Hill, "Mississippi Girl".

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? sadder
b) thinner or fatter? i always get fatter, I never lose weight
c) richer or poorer? well I have a better job, so I hope I'm better off than last year.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

exercised

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

eating

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

I spent it at my moms house eating and watching little kids unwrap presents

21. Did you fall in love in 2005?

yes, but it was a waste of time, still is a waste of time.

22. How many one-night stands?

I can't count that high, I know thats bad.

23. What was your favorite TV program?

I got real into reality shows, Kill Reality rocked.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

myself

25. What was the best book you read?

Something Blue by Emily Giffin and In her Shoes by Jennifer Weiner

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Pussycat Dolls and Kanye West had rocking years

27. What did you want and get?

an mp3 player

28. What did you want and not get?

the guy in my living room playing Street Fighter

29. What was your favorite film of this year?

I'm not sure. I liked Corpse Bride, Four Brothers.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I didn't do much on my birthday. I was turning 23 and I think I just chilled, cause I didn't have a job at the time, I might have gotten drunk and did some illegal activities.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

companionship

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?

Well I was dressed, I never went around naked.

33. What kept you sane?

my motivation to be better

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I didn't fancy much of anyone.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?

abortion rights, gay marriage, and the president himself

36. Who did you miss?

my friends. I lost touch with them.

37. Who was the best new person you met?

the people from my work.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005.

you don;t always get what you want, and don't change for no one.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

I'll get back with ya on that.

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nothing

Its New Years Eve and I will more than likely be home alone. All by my fucking self. How lonely. I will be playing XBox Live World Series of Poker. The sad thing? I have an online event with like 5 people playing too. I guess thats even sadder to think that I won't be the only one playing online poker on New Years Eve to bring in the new years. And my love has nothing planned at all, however he won't stay home with me. He will probably go with his fucking girlfriend who will never treat him as well as I would. His size zero girlfriend that treats him like shit. I would worship the ground he walked on. I would give him whatever he wanted. I practically already do. I just don't have the title. He says hes with her because of her looks. How could someone be with someone who can not hold down an intellectual conversation? I even asked him that the other day. And his answer?

"That's what you are for". WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!?! I get the conversation but not the sex. While he gets both from two different people. He sure does got it all doesn't he? While I am sitting here with nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

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compliments

"Becky, your going to wind up with a good man."

That came right after the "Becky you are a good friend."

A gal like me can only put up with so many compliments. After the first one I get all confused and start puttering. I don't try to "fish" for them but when I catch something accidently I don't know what to do with it. Do I eat it? Or do I let it go?

But that was great. "Becky you;re going to wind up with a good man".

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all his

He's always around. I can't shake it. I can't get rid of this feeling I have for him. Even though he didn't say a word to me at all today except "can I borrow 20 dollars" I still have a thing for him. The thing I have for him is my heart. He owns it. It's all his.

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DIY

Did I tell you all about my X mas? It wa shorrible. I know that you are supposed to be in the "giving" type of mood, but come on don't you want to recieve at times too?

I didn't get to receive anything. I got one SHIRT, a alarm clock, sex and the city travel game, a cd, and a bad ass t shit. The t shirt says...

MEET THE FUCKERS... the best part? It has a picture of George Bush and Dick Cheney! I love it!!!

Oh and my love got me a shower massager. I don't know if that should imply something or not but I guess he just wants to make me happy. And a shower massager would do it. You know since he won't do it, something has got to.

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My heart hurts...

How many times am I going to add an entry on here about him? How many times can I let him hurt me? He confides in me and tells me about his problems with his girlfriend. I sit there ad listen to his problems and give him my advice but I really don't care. I mean its not that I don't care its just that I want his problems with his girlfriend to be with ME. I want him to be with me. My heart hurts for him. It throbs for him. If it hurt any more I would have a damn heart attack.

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it hurts

I look at him and see joy, laughter, and a want to be with him and hold him and love him. But I can't. The only thing I have to say is he wants me to exercise. I don't know if it is because he wants me to be healthy or if he wants me to lose weight for his needs. I think he likes me for my personality but he does not like me physically. I am not physically his type. I am too big for him. And he likes small girls.

I can never compete. I will never be a size zero, no matter how much weight I lose. I will never be the woman he wants me to physically to be. And I don't know why but that hurts me. Even though I know I shouldn't lose weight for someone else I just want to be the person he wants me to be.

Why?!?!

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torn

Why do I let myself feel this way toward someone? Why do I let my heart tear up constantly over someone whom I will NEVER get to be with? First Richard now this fucker. I let myself believe that they like me. That even though they are not with ME, they are with someone else, I still always believe that there is this ounce of their heart that is for me. But little do they know, there is a little bit of my heart that will always belong to them.

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