Saturday, Jan. 11, 2003

Oh shit what is she whining about today?

Oh shit what is she whining about today?

Is it too early to start picking out baby names? Because I have thought about it all day. I have talked to friends about it, joked with parents about it, and kinda flew it past my manager today.

Me: *patting my stomach* Pepito seems to be doing alright

Manager: Who is Pepito, your shirt?

I just couldn't say anything to him. I mean how do you come out and say "hey Mr. Manager dude I had unprotected sex while I was drunk and I may or may no tbe pregnant?" I just can't. It really isn't any of his business anyway.

It is weird to think that in 9 months (if indeeed I am pregnant) something will be coming out of me. Something that I produced. Myself and HIM. The person that will probably have nothing to do with me, or the baby, if it comes along.

And, I don't want to sound like a bitch, but I almost want to be pregnant. Yes, it will change my life enormously, but I want him. I want the man who helped me get into this situation to love me. I feel as if this will be the only way for him to do so. Then again that would be trapping someone. But then again, it takes two to use protection, and I sure as hell don't see him opening up any condom in the near future.

Anyway, work was ok for me today. I felt awkward around people because I felt as if they KNEW I was pregnant or something. Which is odd being as I don't even know for sure yet. I don't know when to check though. How long does it take for a test to show? I mean I am only like 4 days late but who knows what may happen.

I just hope if it happened he will be there for me. He is only 18 though. By the time the baby would come he will be 19 and I will be 21. Sounds pretty decent for me, but he is still young. He just started college. It wouldn't be fair to him.

But we all cause pain to ourselves. It wasn't just me that could have made this happen. It was also him.

Damn I am hating these depressing entries. I swear, come tomorrow, I am going to perk you all up. Make you fucking happy that I post entries in here every day. Before you know it people are going to dread my updates and be like "oh shit what is she whining about today."

Then again, it is MY diary. So I am sure you all will live. But I do promise some laughs from my entry tomorrow.