Saturday, Dec. 28, 2002

Maybe I should grow the fuck up.

Maybe I should grow the fuck up.

Man my job is just like high school. Everyone is put into their own little group of friends or people they associate with and everyone fucking gossips up a storm. it is pathetic.

Yeah, you guessed it. Everyone at my job knew about my accident before I even went to work. i walked in the door and someone was sitting down and the firstt hing that came out of their mouth was "so what happened?" I was like THA FUCK?! So I was the topic of like everyon's discussion today. yeah, I am just totally cool right? Um no.

I am not cool because I sat down after work for FORTY MINUTES and waited for my RIDE to get there. I swear with my mere utter of the words "can I call my ride now?" I felt like a total dweeb. I just can't stand being without a car. One never knows how much they miss something until it is truly gone.

I miss being able to just get in my car and leave whenever I want to. I miss the long rides to and from work where I just get to listen to my stereo. The sad part is it has only been one day. And I am already going crazy.

When stuff bad happens to me like this I am always looking for a scapegoat. For someone else to blame. Because I hate being at fault, especially when something this huge happens. After my emotions calmed down last night I was able to do that.

I blamed my brother because if it wasn't for him I wouldn't have been in such a hurry. I blamed the State of Texas, because if they wouldn't have given me the 2 points I needed to pass on my dirver's test this never would have happened. Damn I even blamed Eminem and Leonardo DiCaprio. Eminem because I was too busy enjoying himself lose himself and Leo because if he wasn't so damn gorgeous I never would have wanted to go to the movies in the first place.

Then I step back and think. Maybe all those years when I found someone else to blame it was all really just my fault. Maybe I should grow the fuck up. Take responsibilty for my actions.

I think another New Year resolution was just made my friends. Although I don't always go through with my resolutions I think this year I am. Because I am making realistic ones. Ones that will help me with my future. So far...

1. Get a raise before 2004.

2. Take responsibilty.

It doesn't get any more realistic than that.