Tuesday, Aug. 27, 2002

Only if guys and girls could only see it that way I would be that much the happier.

Only if guys and girls could only see it that way I would be that much the happier.

Today was the longest day of my life. Someone please remind me why I stress myself over such things. Someone please remind me why I put such a load on myself every damn day.

I woke up at 6:30 this morning. When I woke up I had one thought on my mind. Well maybe two. The first one, ultimately, was, "Do I have to take a shower? I am so tired. I think I will sleep for a nother 30 minutes." The other one was "shit I have to wake up. I have to take a shower. This is the beginning of a looooooooong day." And when I say long, I mean precisely that. My day was not over until 8:30 tonight. So from 6:30 to 8:30 I was off getting some "college education." You know those. The ones you pay outrageous prices for. The ones that keep you working for days straight.

Plus, not only is school going to kick my ass but I also work. I only go to school on Tuesdays and Thursdays. On every other day I have to work. For example, tomorrow I work from 4:45 to close. Then I have to wake up at 6:30 again the next day and go to school. The good thing about Thursdays though is that my day is over at 5 compared to 9. Big ass difference isn't it?

On another note, remember how I said I was reading some books? Well this one is taking me a little longer than the other because of class, work, class, and more work. Well I brought the book to school, "Family Outting" and this girl was like "that book is so good." I love being able to give my thoughts and such on books. It makes me feel intelligent. I usually feel rather stupid, but reading helps that out a little.

Oh, and Ryan had a very interesting entry today. He was totally dissing his image of himself. Which I myself can not bitch at him about. Beacause I myself have a pretty fucked up image of who I am. And I think after reading his it made me think of it a little more. Let me explain.

People are always telling me that I need to lose weight. That's the only thing that people can really find wrong with me. And at the time of being told this, I am constantly saying "I don't care, I look good fat. Could you picture me skinny? I couldn't." Yep that is what I say. But in actuality I could picture myself skinny. I think, however, that the reason I do not lose weight is for the mere fact that I would be doing it for the wrong reason. I would lose weight only for acceptance. Not for myself. I would want to lose it to gain that boy/girl friend that I think I so desperately need and can't get because I am fat. But that is not the reason one should change the way they are. They should change themselves because they do not like the person that they are. I like myself, I just think I am a little too big. But, it's the personality that counts right? And if that is the case I am the prettiest damn person ever. And I am not afraid to admit that.

Only if guys and girls could only see it that way I would be that much the happier.