Thursday, Aug. 01, 2002

Am I gay?

Am I gay?

Ok, the most weirdest damn thiung happened to me right now. I was not going to do an entry tonight because I think I am doing so damn many right now. But this just has to be said, and has to be said while I am thinking of it.

I told my mom and g ma not too worry when they see a magazine come in a manilla envelope for me, ya know not to think it is porn or anything. And they asked me what it was. I told them they were a couple of gay magazines, Out and The Advocate.

So, they ask me if I was gay. Ya know since I am interested in gay issues and everything right now. I was just like "no". Let me give you a little example of what was said.

Mom: Are you gay?

Me: No.

Mom: Are you sure?

Me: No.

I mean because I am NOT sure. I don't know anymore. I think I might be because I do seem to be into gay issues a lot lately. But I still think that guys are hot. And I don't think any girls are hot. So I guess that would not make me gay right? Then again I would like to go to a gay bar and just see what it is like you know? Maybe if I am around it I will change my mind.

This is like when I didn't believe in God. So I went to church to see what I might be missing. When I went to church I found that I did believe in God and all along I was just trying to be someone that I am not. And even then I truly believed that I was atheist. So maybe now I am in a state of denial and I am thinking that I do like guys when maybe I really don't.

Guys I am so confused!